my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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