so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
