i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
