Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
