I want to have your abortion
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
