I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
