I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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