Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just google imaged poop.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
