pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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