Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
