I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
