i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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