hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
