My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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