Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
