i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
