i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
