I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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