hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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