It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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