I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize