We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
