I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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