Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
