Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
