Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
