I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize