Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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