you guys were way drunker than both of me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
