you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
