Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
