I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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