She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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