We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
