I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
