I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize