it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
