I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize