he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
