exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
