We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
