how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
