well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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