Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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