I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
