I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
