my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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