i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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