what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
