Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
