i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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