Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
