Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
