sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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