Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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