Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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