So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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