That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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