You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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