I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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