Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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