I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
