I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
