Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
