She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
