i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
