3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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