He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
